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1. Forget the makeup ladies (except lippy see no.2) cos you'll get 10 miles down the road and it'll be slippin off your chin and blowin off your face.
2. If you don't want a face that looks like a babboon with leprosy that's been sucking lemons and eating salt and vinegar crisps, put on plenty of lippy and enough goose fat so you could easily swim the channel and come out a bit toasty.
look at my bongos
3. Invest in a bloody good hat, take it from me it's no fun driving over 200 miles, in april, in a bloody bandana.
4. After said journey, get some long johns (and speaking personally, they could add some thickness to otherwise spindley legs).
look at me
you lookin' at me
5. Always wear boots, you'd be amazed where draughts can end up when wearing saddle shoes, no fun with the wind up your jacksey. (or was it?).
no look at me
6. Sunglasses or goggles, a must in the sun, rain and when farmers are transporting bales of hay around (like little guided missiles comin at ya). Also good defence against bits of tarmac embedded with gravel flying off the back of road maintenance vehicles.
what'd i do with the keys
honey take me not the car
7. Gloves, if you don't want fingers that look like chipolatas and that feel like you have been using a power drill for 5 hours, get some decent gloves.
In otherwords, do as my good husband Mr.Redbeard did and wear jumper, cardigan, jacket, woolley hat, sunglasses, gloves and a ski mask (don't ask) and take it all off 5 miles away from where you are headed and you'll be fine, if, like me you choose to wear a thin top, jacket and bandana you will be shivering for the next 3 hours and won't be able to eat a sausage roll.
